Governor Bentley Defends Womanhood!

Governor Bentley Defends Womanhood!

Governor Robert Bentley, seen here with his curiously preoccupied wife Syntyche, has announced the formation of the Alabama Commission for the Defense of Womanhood and Christian Family Values, delivering as their first assignment the abolition of what he described in a press release as “the so-called c _ _ _ _ _ _ s, a lie, a damnable lie, and so long as I have breath it will no longer exist in Alabama.”

On the day of his Inauguration as Governor, Bentley, an ordained Babdist minister, famously delivered a sermon in which he said that those who have not accepted his Jesus as their personal savior “are not my brothers and sisters.” At first it was thought that the Governor was simply making a distinction between his actual or putative brothers and sisters and most everybody else. But the Governor tried to correct this impression the next day when he said a bit grumpily that he intended “to be everybody’s governor” but “not everybody’s brother,” to the relief of quite a few Alabamians.

The elimination of the clitoris from Alabama may be a tough field to plow, since there are a lot of them around, quietly going about what clitorises do, although now some of them may be startled to learn they soon will not exist. But the banning of the clitoris in Alabama will be feasible, the Governor hopes, if it is done by stages. First, “l“- “i”- “t” –“o”-“r”- and-“i” will be eliminated, just leaving “c” at the bow, so to speak, and “s” at the stern. Then the boat will simply sink, and along with it the little man.

The Governor’s project has caused a buzz among national political leaders, and Carl Rove has expressed his interest, although he has advised caution, since he says the clitoris is—or rather has been—less well known in Alabama than anywhere else in the nation except in his own state of Texas or maybe in the city of Colorado Springs, and so it would be easy to get rid of it here in Alabama but not in, say, California, where it was discovered in 1964.  

In any case, the disappearing of the clitoris in Alabama may become a hot button issue in this election year, and if as seems certain it rings the bell among the Republican base, three or four independents from, say, North Dakota, may take an interest and rise to the occasion as well.

If “clitoris” becomes “c _ _ _ _ _ _ s” and then “_  _ _ _ _ _ _ “ and finally just silence does that mean it’s gone, totally?

It makes you think.