Governor
Bentley Defends Womanhood!
Governor Robert Bentley, seen here
with his curiously preoccupied wife Syntyche, has announced the formation of
the Alabama Commission for the Defense
of Womanhood and Christian Family Values, delivering as their first
assignment the abolition of what he
described in a press release as “the
so-called c _ _ _ _ _ _ s, a lie, a damnable lie, and so long as I have breath
it will no longer exist in Alabama.”
On the day of his Inauguration as Governor, Bentley, an
ordained Babdist minister, famously delivered a sermon in which he said that those who have not accepted his Jesus as
their personal savior “are not my brothers and sisters.” At first it was
thought that the Governor was simply making a distinction between his actual or
putative brothers and sisters and most everybody else. But the Governor tried to
correct this impression the next day when he said a bit grumpily that he
intended “to be everybody’s governor” but “not everybody’s brother,” to the relief of quite a few
Alabamians.
The elimination of the clitoris from Alabama may be a tough
field to plow, since there are a lot of them around, quietly going about what
clitorises do, although now some of them may be startled to learn they soon
will not exist. But the banning of the clitoris in Alabama will be feasible,
the Governor hopes, if it is done by stages. First, “l“- “i”- “t” –“o”-“r”- and-“i” will be eliminated, just leaving
“c” at the bow, so to speak, and “s” at the stern. Then the boat will simply
sink, and along with it the little man.
The Governor’s project has caused a buzz among national
political leaders, and Carl Rove has expressed his interest,
although he has advised caution, since he says the clitoris is—or rather has
been—less well known in Alabama than anywhere else in the nation except in his
own state of Texas or maybe in the city of Colorado Springs, and so it would be
easy to get rid of it here in Alabama but not in, say, California, where it was
discovered in 1964.
In any case, the disappearing of the clitoris in Alabama may
become a hot button issue in this election year, and if as seems certain it rings
the bell among the Republican base, three or four independents from, say, North
Dakota, may take an interest and rise to the occasion as well.
If “clitoris” becomes “c _ _ _ _ _ _ s” and then “_ _ _ _ _ _ _ “ and finally just silence
does that mean it’s gone, totally?
It makes you think.
