House Repubs to Abolish Death Benefit

DC Doodling

House Republicans Vote to Abolish

Social Security Death and Burial Benefit

In a vote deemed “largely symbolic” like virtually every House vote since 2008 and neither more nor less imbecilic than the rest of them, House Republicans have unanimously voted to eliminate the $255 Death and Burial Benefit established in 1936. The action was spurred by Rep. Darell Issa (R Ca), a former car thief and Chairman of the House Oversight and Government Reform Committee, who only last week became aware of the benefit when his wife died.

The move was hailed as “revolutionary” and “forward looking” by House Majority Leader Eric Cantor (R Va) who had done his math. “This decision will save each American taxpayer up to $11.43 over the next eighty four years, reduce the deficit, and stimulate small businesses. This “so called ‘death tip’ paid for by hardworking men and women is actually a free ‘life tip’ for the dead people “without regard for quality of the service”, he added.

The American Association of Funeral Parlor Operators was somewhat dismayed but, doing the K street shuffle, characterized the House vote as “monumental”. Their spokesman has said,

“We have long been supporters of Rep. Issa, whose family, like ours, has been dedicated to repositionings for modest profit, in his case not of the dead or the apparently dead, but of misplaced cars. We also support Rep. Cantor, although with that name he is probably a Jew. We’ve had some problems with the Jews, we get squeezed with the quick burials, 24 hours, what’s the big hurry.”

Rocket City Blues has not had quite enough time to respond thoughtfully to this modification of Your Social Security Benefits, which will be announced through a mailing titled “A Modification of Your Social Security Benefits” in one of those envelopes where you fold over and tear one strip off on your left, then one on your right, then maybe the top or the bottom, you’re not sure, so you put your finger in the bottom, something rips, your mailing is fucked, you toss it. I know you do. And then you get it back out of the trash because it could be a check for one of those group action law suits about exploding cars or for some piece of crap that broke and they are hoping that with the odd envelope you will just throw the check out. But no.

Try to stay positive. Soon you won’t have to deal with these envelopes. Your kids, no way.

The Social Security Death and Burial Benefit was put in place in 1936 when for no evident reason sharply increasing numbers of dead people appeared abandoned along the roads, dumped behind gas stations, or tossed in rivers, especially in the South and also in the Midwest but a little less there because the rivers were dried out. There is not much sense in dropping off somebody in a river who has died if there is no water to wash that person away or cover them.

Watch in these pages for a follow-up featurelette,

What To Do When You Are Dead:

Money Saving Tips for the New America.

This is history. This is how almost everything works.