Rocket City Airport Receives Award

Rocket City International Airport Receives Award

            The Association for Securing Tariff -Free Zones for Weapons Sales announces that Rocket City International Airport has received its First Prize Award for Most Lethal Ambience in a Public Space.

            The ASTFZWS’s award is granted to “the public space that consistently and colorfully presents commercial images directly or indirectly suggestive of the most mayhem, violence, and lethality that can be imagined per square yard.” The awards committee stipulates that the devices and instruments imaged should be “presented in such a way as to imply that they are (a) in some sense associated with the viewer whether in fact they know that or not, (b) that they are incapable of failure or misuse, (c) and that they are easily sold to just about anyone anywhere without tax or tariff or public review. “

            At the awards ceremony on K Street in Washington, D.C., General Samuel ‘Boomer’ Turgidson, USAF Ret and Chief Consultant for the ASTFZW, remarked the intense competition for the award, noting that a certain soccer field in Afghanistan, a disused warehouse in Belarus (part of the former Soviet Union), a two-block area in front of the Wailing Wall in Israel, and an international airport in Yemen had been very close contenders for the award. But General Turgidson, recalling to the amusement of all present the “Iran-Contra matter” as what won the distinction of “International” for “Rocket City Airport,” went on to explain that the mega-TV playing Fox News 24/7 for every waiting flier, the montage of Nazi weapons engineers, and the almost total absence of non-violent imagery-- except for a spaceman hanging by a cable over the restrooms and two pictures of golf courses -- were the decisive factors that brought the prize to Rocket City.  “Walk in and you’ll think you’d already made your flight and maybe something has happened and you’re at an airport in Syria or Saudi Arabia. Walk out and maybe you’ll think, “No way I’m ever going back in there. No way,’” he quipped.

            Never without accolades, Rocket City is internationally known as a recession-proof haven for economic vitality. Among recent awards the city has received is the prize for the North Parkway Improvement Plan, hailed as the Most Protracted Infrastructure Project in North America since the Erie Canal, the Engineering Watch Award won not in fact by engineers, who have better things to do in Rocket City, but by two city policemen who noticed that the newly completed Rocket City jail was about to pitch over and fall into the creek bed on which it was built, and the Murdoch Prize for the metropolitan area with population over 300,000 slowest to notice it no longer has a daily newspaper.