Higgs Boson and the Standard Model

Physics Update: Higgs Boson and 1970s Standard Model Getting It On

            The science staff at Rocket City Blues tell us they are delighted to report that the Higgs Boson particle, recently outed as a dude, is dating the 1970s Standard Model shown above. But as for me, I’m not so keen on this development.

For a time, high energy particle physicists were concerned that the Higgs Boson might not show up, leaving The Standard Model a little unsure of herself, although why, I can’t tell you. But everybody--at Fermilab, CERN, the UARocket City ED Non-Collider, all the places--has sighed with relief that the couple have hooked up.

For those who were born, say, after 1985, and who therefore don’t recognize the Standard Model, Wikipedia will as always straighten us out. We quote verbatim:

The Standard Model of particle physics is a theory concerning the electromagnetic, weak, and strong nuclear interactions, which mediate the dynamics of the known subatomic particles. Developed throughout the mid to late 20th century, The Standard Model is truly “a tapestry woven by many hands” because it was cobbled together by many brilliant minds, sometimes driven forward by new experimental discoveries, sometimes by theoretical advances. It was a collaborative effort in the largest sense, spanning continents and decades^[1]. The current formulation was finalized in the mid 1970s upon experimental confirmation of the existence of quarks. Since then, discoveries of the bottom quark (1977), the top quark (1995), and the tau neutrino (2000) have given further credence to the Standard Model. Because of its success in explaining a wide variety of experimental results, the Standard Model is sometimes regarded as a "theory of almost everything".

To this remarkably sweaty piece of prose, we at Rocket City Blues say, What is this? The Big Bang of Metaphor? The Wikipedia guy says The Standard Model is “a tapestry” made “by hands” and then that it’s  “cobbled together “by . . .  minds”, many of them, only to be “driven forward” sometimes by “advances”?  And then they sent her out to do some  “spanning [of] continents and decades”? She must be about 17 and maybe 115 pounds in this shot. And she’s certainly not dressed for travel.

Physicists should date a little earlier than in their 40s. Maybe start in high school. That would help.

You never tell a girl she is a theory. Tapestry maybe, you might get away with that if the mood is right, but you do theory, you’re history.

Rocket City Blues sympathizes with these many brilliant minds working up a sweat and offering more credence to the Standard Model. But for me she has all my credence right away. And then some. So let’s cut the crap about “the top quarks” and the “lower quark.” This is not science. This is self-evident. And you never tell a girl that she is “finalized”, even if your grant is running out.  And you never tell her she is “almost everything”. She is totally everything to me and she always will be. That’s what you say.

I would quit collaborating with those many other guys.  I’d get out of the lab, pronto.

To hell with the Boson. Let him go back where he came from. And the same for Higgs the meddling old fart who introduced them in the first place.

What was I doing in the 70s, reading?

It is too late. It is always too late.

This is physics. This is why everything finally is sad.